He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
