cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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