oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
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She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
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Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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