I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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