I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
