i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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