So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
