just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
