sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
