i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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