Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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