I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
