Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
