Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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