we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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