I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
