Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
