Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
