My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
