fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
