somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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