i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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