Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
