if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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