I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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