Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
