I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize