physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
