What did we do last night that was yellow?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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