Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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