Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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