she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
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At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
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plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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