dude i'm inner monologue high
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
