yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
