so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
