I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
