47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
