I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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