my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
