how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Holy sore nipples Batman
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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