Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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