I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
