Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
