Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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