totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
