You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
