Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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