I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
