you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
