so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
