u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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