i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
