and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
