cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
