I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
