Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
