Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
