My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
