Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
