after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
