clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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