I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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