dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
