That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Semen is not good for contacts.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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