All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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