i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
