do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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